My morning routine. It’s woo-woo, but it’s working.
In my twenties, I was rigorous in my routine. It was the thing that kept my anxiety at bay. I woke up early to read one self-help book or another, went to work, and then hit the gym in the evening. Every day for years. And it was helpful.
As any parent will know, the second you have kids, your days of a predictable routine are over—at least for a few years. This was definitely true for me, and it rocked my world.
For the first time in about three years, my girls are sleeping through the night and waking up around 6:30 a.m. I can work with that.
For the past six weeks, as of the publish date of this blog, I’ve been following a new morning routine, which I’ll describe below. I’ve tweaked it here and there and now feel fairly confident that I’ve found the routine that will serve as the foundation of my days for a long time to come.
While somewhat similar, the routine I’m performing today differs in small but very important ways from the one I had in my twenties. Those small changes, and my shift in perspective, have been game-changing. Back then, my routine was designed to keep anxiety at bay. The self-help reading gave me a boost of positivity to combat the sporadic thoughts of anxiety throughout the day, while my evening workouts helped process the built-up anxious energy.
I thought I had it all figured out. Now, I realize I was only suppressing my anxiety and just getting better at accepting a lower quality of life because of it.
My routine in my twenties was only marginally effective because I asked too much of it. It had to give me enough mental momentum each day to combat my ever-present anxiety. The anxiety and the little positivity I was able to generate through my routine were in constant battle. The right routine shouldn’t just "gas you up"—in fact, it potentially shouldn’t. Instead, it should change your subconscious relationship with anxiety. Anxiety isn’t something to be suppressed or decreased; it needs to be recategorized. It’s a mental misfire in our modern world. We often understand that logically and consciously, but our subconscious doesn’t. And the subconscious is everything here.
I’m learning that daily routines are really about training our bodies and subconscious, not about giving us the power and energy to combat anxiety in real-time. That’s a big point, so I’ll say it again: The power of a routine is to retrain how your subconscious interprets the world, not to give your conscious mind the energy to fight its negative interpretations after they’re already formed.
In my twenties, I relied on my routine to have an immediate impact on my thinking for that day. It did, but it was short-lived. Today, I have zero expectations for my routine to affect my immediate thinking. It’s designed to categorically change my subconscious and physical interpretation of the world. And that, I believe, will lay the foundation for long-term, sustainable impact on my thinking.
So, what does this look like? Again, it sounds super woo-woo.
In total, this routine can take anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes, depending on how long I want to read, journal, and meditate. I was getting a lot of value from just 30 minutes and have gradually extended it to 90 simply because I’ve been enjoying the time.
1. Wake up at 5:00 a.m.
This is the only time I have available to myself before my daughters wake up and their morning routine begins. Fun fact: I originally started this at 5:30 a.m., but I’m enjoying the routine so much that I now get up earlier to spend more time in it.
2. Prepare coffee
At my desk, I’ve set up a small pour-over coffee station with an electric kettle, etc. When I wake up, I turn on the kettle to start heating the water. It makes really good coffee and makes my desk space, where I perform my routine, feel very vibey.
3. Light candle
Now things start getting into the woo-woo territory, and I realize that—but also, who cares? While my hot water is heating up, I light my “Lavender Woods” woodwick candle. The specific scent isn’t particularly important—it just happened to be the only reasonably priced candle I could find on Amazon.
However, the "woodwick" part is important. A woodwick crackles as it burns, and this adds to the ambiance. A lot of this routine is about creating an environment where my mind stays present in the here and now. The smell of coffee and lavender woods, the crackles of the candle—they all help remind my mind to come back to the moment.
Ultimately, I’m using this routine to prove to myself that I can control my situation, and that control can be positive, rather than the usual painful combat with my internal anxiety and external environment.
4. Aromatherapy Nasal Inhaler #1
Now we’re going full woo. I have a eucalyptus nasal inhaler. There’s nothing medical about it; it just offers the strong scent of eucalyptus. I’ve been playing with how I use these during my morning routine and throughout the day. After I light my candle, I take a deep breath with the inhaler in each nostril.
It’s proving very effective at interrupting negative thoughts, activating the body in a positive way, and helping my mind reset and return to the present moment.
5. Read
I reserve this reading time—usually between 10 to 20 minutes—for books that help me understand how anxiety operates in the body. They lean toward self-help but focus more on the neuroscience of anxiety than the touchy-feely stuff. Understanding the scientific workings of anxiety has been transformative, and I can’t overstate that. Knowing that anxiety is the result of internal processes—and that those processes can be changed—gives me hope and an action plan.
6. Journal
I journal after reading because what I read often stimulates new ideas and perspectives. If nothing new shakes out during my reading, I’ll jot down something about my day, my mood—anything that documents the moment I’m occupying.
Journaling is where I can solidify my thoughts and, day by day, uncover the stories I tell about myself. It’s also where I can start to rewrite those stories.
7. Aromatherapy Nasal Inhaler #2
After journaling, I go into meditation, but I’ve started taking a quick hit of the nasal inhaler to help focus my mind and prepare it for a productive session.
8. Meditation
My meditation isn’t anything special, but there are a few specific beats I hit that I find super helpful. I’ll devote a separate blog post to it. In general, my meditation lasts about 5 to 7 minutes. With my eyes closed, I relax my entire body, work through some compassion and gratitude thinking, and then visualize several key goals.
9. Aromatherapy Nasal Inhaler #3
After meditating, of course, I take another hit of the nasal inhaler. I promise there’s nothing nefarious about this—it just helps bring me back to the moment.
10. Make bed
After all the woo, I make my bed. It’s something that needs to happen, but tying it in right after all of the above helps associate the pre-work with an immediate positive and productive action in my world. It’s a way to start the day with momentum in the right direction.
This may all seem like a lot, and maybe it is. But it’s gotten to the point that it’s not something I have to do—it’s something I get to do. I’ve started looking forward to this time in the morning, rather than dreading waking up to the anxious thoughts waiting for me.
