From fearful to fearless to fear-hungry

The opposite of anxiety is not calmness. It’s confidence. The opposite of discomfort is not comfort. It’s delight.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, I’ve always tried to suppress it in order to feel calm and comfortable. When it works, it makes surviving a little more tolerable—but it also greatly limits my potential to thrive.

I think this has to do with our relationship with fear. In modern life, we rarely face situations that are life-threatening or physically harmful. So, fear has little reason to be as present as it is, yet it shows up everywhere—emails, phone calls, meetings, social interactions. But I don’t see this as a bad thing. In fact, it offers a major opportunity if we can change our relationship with fear.

Real happiness doesn’t come from comfort, ease, and security. It comes from the resolve to bear discomfort long enough to achieve a goal, the strength to make the hard feel easy, and the zeal to leave our safety net to reach new heights. True happiness is about achieving as much of our unique human potential as possible. The tricky part is that potential and fear represent the same energy. They are two sides of the same coin, flipping only based on how we interpret life events.

A potential-based mindset frames events as opportunities for growth, transforming our energy into excitement. A fear-based mindset frames events as threats, turning our energy into anxiety. Very different responses. Very different experiences. Very different outcomes. But exactly the same events. It’s us who change.

So, don’t be afraid of fear. But don’t try to be fearless, either. Learn to love fear. Seek it out. Make it the fuel that energizes you. Become fear-hungry.